Hi Momma’s! Happy Monday! Or is it?! I hope you all had a great weekend.

I feel myself being pulled in so many directions with my emotions right now; I thought I’d share. I’m always smiling for the most part and enjoying life and everyone asks me how do you stay so positive? How do you manage everything? The truth is I have plenty of hard moments too; anxiety, mini melt downs, I feel all of that even if you don’t see it on my social media and in pictures. I heard a quote once, “you don’t see the bad days in a photo album, but those are the ones that get us from one happy shot to the next.”

Everything is not always great and that’s ok in life in general. I’m learning that as a new mom. I  can’t control everything, and I have to go with the flow. My emotions may get the best of me, I may feel alone when I’m not, and there’s a lot to process for me still that’s for sure.

I’m 4 months into my post partum journey. What does post partum mean anyways? That being depressed is normal, because we just went through a major change, that everything I’m feeling is justified? I’m not sure honestly. I definitely have moments where I get depressed and I think, “why am I?” I have an amazing baby girl, wonderful husband, great life, and yet sometimes it feels so overwhelming.

I try to control a lot especially as a new mom. I’m learning the hard way I can’t. This blog post isn’t to make anyone upset or feel sorry for the way I feel by any means, it’s to put a realness to my posts and my/our “filtered” world. I cried tonight because I felt alone, even though my husband was in the bed next to me and when Amelia woke up, he took care of her and dream fed her. (We are starting to sleep train) I definitely know the lack of sleep is not helping my emotional state.

There’s so much to take in as a new mom and so many things no one tells you. Like, I love to shop! I’m a celebrity Stylist & fashion expert as most of you know, I wanted to shop all weekend and just didn’t feel pretty and good enough to want to make a decision. I help people feel confident for a living and love it! I love shopping for my clients but for me right now I’m not there. Not in that place. I go to events & red carpets and I wonder why am I here? I have serious #momguilt even though Amelia is fine and I’m only gone a few hours.

I still get sad when I look at my scar in the mirror even though it’s starting to fade thanks to a scar gel I’ve been using. I know a scar is nothing to be ashamed of, but yet I have moments where I get sad. My body isn’t coming back as easy from my unexpected c -section. I have diastasis recti, which means my muscles aren’t truly forming back together the way they should. I’m doing certain exercises and trying to help that for myself and my body. I don’t like how I look in half my clothes. My face has been in raging hormonal break out mode since I gave birth. Every time I think it calms down it’s back up again. It’s finally starting to chill, dare I say that, and I can see my normal face and skin again.

I’m a rollercoaster of emotions while juggling and managing being a new mom, working and all. Again, this is not for anyone to read and get upset or be sad for me, this is to be a #realmom and hopefully relate to all the other moms out there! I want to help other moms who may be feeling the same. We’re all in this together!!

I’ve gotten so many messages lately and emails about my happiness, how much I smile and how do I do it. I want you to know mommas and non mommas, anyone really, I smile because most of the time I am happy and I love to smile.

I love being a new mom and I love this new journey, but it’s hard. Like really hard and I have to constantly remind myself that it’s okay, and this is new and I’m going through it and learning as I go.

Stop judging yourself, stop trying to control everything, just stop. Easier said than done.

As Amelia Rei hits 4 months old, she’s growing faster by the minute, and I feel like I’m learning slowly how much is out of my control and it’s okay. Always give grace to yourself. I’m teaching myself that too as I type this.

Last but not least, SMILE, because it feels good but it’s okay to cry too:)

Fashionably & overly tired,

Xox

Ali

PS: Thank you to the mom the other day who helped me when I had a #momfail! haha. My converter wouldn’t come off my car seat and she could see me melting down. She came over and helped me. Thank you! I will pay it forward to the next mom, especially new moms I see. Moms are amazing.